I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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