he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
