well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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