Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
