I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
