Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
