They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
