alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
