pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
