She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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