70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize