i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm like, not good at living.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
