ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
