Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
