Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
