oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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