I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
