Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize