Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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