cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
