No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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