I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
im on a boat
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