They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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