You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
