You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
