My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
