Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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