"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
