Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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