The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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