I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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