We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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