Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
