I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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