I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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