I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have fence marks all over my body
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
