I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
