It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize