I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
