So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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