I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
