all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
