farters have to be the big spoon...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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