can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
