my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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