absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
