rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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