You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
