i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
