You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
