hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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