I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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