Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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