You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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