i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
