She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
