You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
