You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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