I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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