I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i now understand why vodka
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
