I wanna passion pit in your ass
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
