We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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