i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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