actually, I'm a sock model
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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