The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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